Q. My son cries all the time! What do I do? My husband says it has to stop, but my son has such a tender heart.
Raising passionate kids can be really challenging. We’ve had a few kids with BIG emotions – when they were happy, they were on top of the world, when they were sad, they were sobbing. The challenge is to allow them to feel their emotions, never mocking them or punishing them for simple feelings, BUT teaching them self-control and how to avoid letting your emotions drive you into sin.
A man should be able to cry when it’s appropriate, but also able to fight back those tears when self-control is necessary.
One verse we talked about a lot was Proverbs 25:28, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” A city with walls intact can ignore a passing army or go out to fight them. A city with no walls has no choice – anyone who wants to provoke them into a fight can do it. We explain to our kids that our emotions are the same way. If we can’t control them, we’re at the mercy of everyone and everything else. Anyone or any circumstance can provoke us to lose control. That really rings with boys, who want to be in charge, when you help them to see that not being able to moderate your emotions at all means you can’t control anything else, either.
So, when a boy starts crying, put your arm around him and comfort him. Love on his tender heart. But, when he’s not losing it, talk to him about self-control and give him practical ways to take control of his emotions:
- Praying and asking for help
- Taking 3 deep breaths
- Going for a walk
- Exercising
- Reciting Bible verses
- Taking a shower
- Splashing cool water in your own face
- Thinking of 5 good things about a situation (even ridiculous ones!)
Because, ultimately, a man will need one day to control his emotions to be able to handle being a husband and father and worker. Now, he’s got a long time before then, though!
The passionate kids can become world changers when they learn to harness that passion in productive directions. They are hard to raise, but they can become awesome adults.
Want more? Listen to our podcast, “Help! My Son Cries about Every Little Thing.”
Your friends,
Hal & Melanie
